My heart is broken. Brizo, our Belgian Malinois is with God. It came suddenly and she was still so young, only 6 years old. I find myself struggling to understand and fighting back feelings of bitterness. I’m angry, sad, but when I quiet myself and embrace the love she shared I can find some peace. It is generally fleeting, but during those moments of peace I remember. Before I tell you how she died, I want to tell you how she lived.
Argos, my German Shepard
I woke up one morning to discover my last dog, Argos had passed in his sleep. Argos was a male German Shepard and had lived a good life. He was old and was starting to show signs of struggle. I remember the night so vividly. After watching TV with me he struggled to get up from his spot. His legs were giving out so I picked him up and carried him to the bedroom. Back then we had a rule, our dogs slept in their own bed. It was a stupid rule. If I remember correctly the rule was inherited from his trainer so we never deviated. I hated that. When I placed him on his bed and kissed him goodnight I had no idea it would be his last. I’m comforted in knowing he was at peace knowing how much I loved him. I have to thank one of my assistant instructors, Hank for stepping in because that morning was day one of a local training course. I turned over the reigns to him and he crushed it. I struggled for several months living without him, but eventually we decided it was time for a new family member.
The Early Days
The love of my life, Jamie was my saving grace through all of this. She arranged for Argos to have a respectful and dignified end of life ceremony. There was no way I was in any shape to do even the simplest of tasks. It was she who did the research and located some potential puppies. We had two options, a male German Shepard in Dallas, or a female Belgian Malinois in Houston. Unfortunately, we were a little too late for the Malinois. When the GSD puppy had grown enough to have visitors, we made the drive up to Dallas. He was everything you might expect in a baby GSD. We liked him, but there was something about the breeders that just didn’t sit well with us. We still had a couple of weeks before the puppy would be old enough to be separated from his mother so we drove back to Austin still not sure. It was on our drive back to Austin we got an unexpected call from the Malinois breeder. They had another puppy from the same litter. Apparently the deal fell through at the last minute and we were first on their call list. We literally pointed ourselves to Houston and drove straight there to meet Brizo. These breeders were different and had champion lines. We first meet the mother, a beautiful dog. Majestic and powerful. Then we meet this little fur missile that look more like a fox. In a flash, she imprinted on us…mainly Jamie. She was ours from that moment. I can still see here playing in the pin with Jamie and it brings a huge smile to my face.
The Service Life
What many don’t know is Jamie is a professional dog trainer and has worked in so many different fields. From professional K9s to aggressive dogs to rescues. She took her home to Boston where she could spend dedicated time training her. Not only did she get the obedience training, but training as a service dog. I had no idea I needed a service dog, but I did. When she came to live with me full time it was an adjustment. She was a ball of energy, even more so than Argos. I want to tell you about her name. Brizo comes from Greek mythology and is a minor-goddess associated with the sea, especially sailors. And she did, she really did look after me. As we grew together, she had an amazing knack for knowing what I needed. If I was angry, she would literally get up and walk out of the room. Forcing me to calm down and show her that my energy changed before she would come back into the office. But it wasn’t always that way. I had a job working at indoor range full time and would bring her to work with me everyday. It is not easy getting dogs to adjust to gunfire, but my office was way in the back and there was a yard she could go crazy. She just knew what I needed, she could sense it.
The Dog Attack
She went with me almost everywhere, but it was the moment at home that I will remember the most. There were plenty of good memories, but there was one I was not too proud of that happened one day. We were out for a jog one morning in our neighborhood. At the far end there were some vacated homes that had been taken over by squatters. They seemed to stay to themselves, but they had a pack of dogs, mainly pit bulls. Now, I know plenty of amazing pit bulls, but it’s not the dogs so much as their environment. On that morning, they came out to the property line and started aggressively barking, then they started following us on the road and finally they attacked. There were about 4 or 5, but only one full grown adult. They were biting both of us and even though we were fighting back it was a numbers game. I had to let go of her leash so I could fight, but also so she could. I saw her courage and strength as she went after one. I hurt one pretty bad and it seemed to cause a tactical pause that we could run off and put some distance. The fight was over, but not for me. I vividly remember getting home, telling Jamie to check Brizo for bite marks that we had been attacked. I grabbed my stuff and literally ran back for one purpose and one purpose only. Luckily, they were no where to be found and after calling the police and leading them to the home they too had no luck. Even though we knew someone was inside, they were not responding to our calls or coming to the door. There was nothing we could do from there, but I take solace in knowing the owner of the home or someone finally demolished the house and now it is an empty lot. Let’s just say I understand how Marcus and John Wick felt.
Sleeping in Bed Rule
Back to the sleeping in bed thing. Since that was all I knew I can remember the first couple of nights we left her kennel door open. She would have nothing to do with that anymore, no commands or reprimands would deny here sleeping with her family. And just like that, the no bed rule went out the window. It was always impressive to see her go from a sitting position to up on the bed in an instant. Like a cat pouncing on prey. That first night, she plopped down between Jamie and myself and that became her spot. I felt bad for Jamie so many times because she would even growl when you tried to move her. Nothing serious, but enough to let you know she wasn’t happy. One thing that was hard on me was when my knee finally gave out and running was no longer something I could do it made me sad because we no longer could go on our runs. She needed an activity and chasing a ball wasn’t enough so we got a dog treadmill for her. It wasn’t totally new, I had put her on a treadmill in hotels while on trips to help with her energy, but now it would be a daily experience. She took to it reluctantly, but after a while she’d start running like the animal she is and I could tell she was in her happy place.
Land of the Endless Treats
Something else I brought from Argos was praise and treats for behavior we wanted to reinforce. Jamie had a different plan, she gave her treats all the time for literally nothing more than breathing. I remember it lead to some back and forth. Her point was she’s always a good girl and doesn’t need to show it to be given a treat, so there was another rule that went out the window. She learned that when I’d go into the pantry there was a good chance a treat would find its way onto the floor…what a coincidence. Like all my past dogs they had their own issues. Argos was a trained K9 who we took because he had such a high play drive he literally rounded out his canines. While he could still produce a strong bite, it was less effective with rounded canines. I didn’t realize how bad they were rounded until Brizo with were razor sharp canines. She would destroy the most durable toys. It didn’t matter, give her some alone time and it was gone. I remember her gnawing on a huge elk antler. It lasted maybe a week before it was too small and a potential choking hazard. Brizo had a thing about eating. Every year or so, she’d change her eating habits. Which is code for she wanted different food. It took us some time to figure that out, but we did and I feel like she got the better end of the deal on that.
Being a Dog
Life as a service animal is different. When they are out in public they don’t get to socialize and that is one thing I wish had been different. All of our neighbors had dogs, but only one fence allowed them to see each other. That neighbor’s dog loved to come out and bark to signal she’s ready to play. They would play for as long as they were outside running up and down the fence or just sitting across from each other. One day I saw this black object in the backyard and to my surprise the neighbor’s dog had gotten out and made her way into our yard. They played so hard, it was awesome. It was sad when those neighbors moved away, she would go outside and bark at the house to let them know she was ready to play only to be ignored. But, we had plenty of family members who had dogs and she got along amazingly with them. It brought so much joy to my heart to see them play like dogs, to chase and be chased. To roughhouse then come in for treats. Nothing made me happier than to see her happy. This past December was her last trip to the east coast to visit family, but she had an amazing time.
The Start of the End
Now I will tell you how she died. Remember that eating thing. Well about 3-4 months ago it started up again and we tried everything. She would occasionally eat, but not consistently enough so her diet was all over the place. It was a little stressful to me because I worried she would stave, but Jamie reminded me she wouldn’t starve to death and she would eat when she was ready. The other thing that happened was her teeth went from pearly white to seeing a lot of plaque. Before our Christmas vacation she had her annual exam. When the vet examined her mouth he noticed the same thing, they could use a cleaning. But he also notice her incisors had started to show signs of distress and would probably need to be extracted. Other than that she was given a clean bill of health. When we talked about her recent food pickiness he said it’s possible that’s because of her teeth and why they would need to be removed. January was a busy month and the diet thing persisted. We knew we would have to take care of that so we made arrangements for February after I got back from a trip. As part of the pre-op procedure she need some blood tests to make sure she could handle the anesthesia.
Life Threatening Results
That’s right about the time things took a turn for the worse. Before I left on the trip she was barely eating. I had this nagging feeling something was wrong. We kept telling ourselves it was her teeth and we would get it all sorted out the next week. I remember one night after the trip I freaked out because she was so still in bed. I jumped up; which should’ve caused her to move, but nothing. I ran to the side of the bed she was on and could see her eyes were open, but still nothing. Then she blinked. I was so relieved, my heart was in my mouth that whole time. When I took her to the best for the blood work I explained how she had shown some dramatic behavioral changes and I was worried. The blood work revealed some anomalies that pointed to some really bad things; acute kidney failure. That was like a punch to the gut, where did that come from and more importantly what do we do now. Up to this point, we had thought it was her teeth, but now it’s life threatening. We had to immediately get her to the animal hospital. We closed out at the vets and drove to the hospital where they were waiting having received a call from the vets and her test results.
All we could do was wait. The blood test done at the vets only gave a partial answer. They had to do more test and most importantly get her on an IV with some meds to help her kidneys. We were there for a couple of hours waiting for the plan. It was decided she’d have to be hospitalized and more test run the next day to get conclusive data about what’s going from other attending doctors. I said goodbye and was going to go home to get some stuff to bring back for her to be more comfortable. Mainly her bed. Maybe an hour passed and we got a call from the doctor. The news was terrible. We were heartbroken. Still trying to understand how this could happen and more importantly why.
A True Warrior
She never showed any signs of pain, or discomfort. No winning, whimpering or crying. She did chatter her teeth like she was cold and we later found out that could be a sign of pain, but when I mentioned it to the vet in December he said it was probably related to her teeth. I came home from an errand the day before the blood work and she not only was chattering, but she showed her teeth. This was the first time she’d ever done that and I knew something was wrong, but again I just thought it was her teeth. It was like she was saying “hey dad, look at my teeth, they hurt.” Jamie and I discussed all our options, but when that call came through they had already consulted with the other doctor who would be taking over for her care being she was the emergency care doctor. Jamie being around dogs for most of her life knew before I did what that meant. She knew what I didn’t want to accept, that I’m still grieving from. The prognosis was grave and now we are not sure she will live through the night. We decided we didn’t want her to be alone so we made the arrangements. I sat there with her until the very end. I asked God for the strength and courage to make her final moments as happy and joyful as possible. I fought back with every ounce of my being the sadness that was welling up inside me and spent those last moments happy knowing she felt absolute love. Then I picked her up and placed her on the gunnery. She was gone and we were heartbroken. I’m still numb.
Everywhere I look, I see her. Her fur on the floor, her toys in the corner. Her dog bowls, the leash. I can’t look anywhere in this house and not see her. I call out to her still. The hardest thing I had to do was to wake up the next morning. I refused to open my eyes, to accept she wasn’t in the bed. I hated it so much. When I would leave the house, we have our ritual, she likes to lay in the bed on my pillows so we go in there and cuddle for brief moment. I tell here I love her, give her one more kiss. As I walk out the door, I yell over my shoulder “be a good girl.” I did it without realizing it just this morning. It is so quiet in the house, I miss hearing her nails clicking on the floors. I miss hearing her jump off the bed when I’d call her. I just miss her.
It was discovered that her kidneys were abnormally small and hardened. Most likely from birth or hereditary, but we will probably not know. You would never know that from her though, she fought until the very end showing absolutely no discomfort or pain. Just unconditional love. She gave me everything until the very end and I tried to tell her that it’s okay. I tried to tell her I will be okay, even though I didn’t believe it.
So, that is the story of our beautiful Belgian Malinois named Brizo. Goodbye puppy, we love you with all our hearts and will see you again someday. Be a good girl…love Jeff & Jamie
